On the PATH – Stages

“Without change, there would be no butterflies.”

When you’re hit with unexpected life trauma or loss, you’re suddenly thrown into a maelstrom of shocking, tumultuous upheaval you’re not prepared for that can dramatically alter your life.  Unless your family suffered a hard hit while you were growing up, you were not likely to be taught to expect anything like this, nor given tools to cope.

When there’s no easy recovery or turning back, you have no choice but to work through a major life transition. This begins a dramatic psychological process of radical rethinking and transformation over time. There can be related physical issues, too. None of it is simple!

The PATH to Human Metamorphosis and Transformation

Similar in ways to how a caterpillar evolves into a butterfly, this powerful and ultimately beneficial human metamorphosis has four constructive stages, which you’ll likely go through after major traumatic life episodes.

No matter which stage you’re in, if you’re stuck now or have been struggling through some parts of this, it helps to understand each stage to develop practical strategies and steps to work through the process with the least amount of trauma and anxiety.  I’ll delve more deeply into  aspects of each stage in the weeks ahead and what to do, but here’s an overview on some of what you can expect on your PATH ahead.

Stage 1: Caterpillaring – Winding Down/Letting Go

This first stage is absolutely the worst! Your personal catalytic horror has happened to rock your world and it might feel like your life and identity have broken apart into pieces with nothing left to hold them together. Stage 1 can be terrifying, mind-boggling, depressing, painful, overwhelming, even paralyzing! Life as you know comes to a halt. You’ll need to slow down to an unfocused, caterpillar-like crawl.

You’ll feel the full gamut of emotions, then numbness – as your new reality sets in. You’ll slowly inch ahead from denial to acceptance. You may try to fight it, but resistance is futile and only drags this stage out longer. Amid trying to begin recovery while in chaos, you finally have to give in. Allow yourself to live moment to moment and day to day in foggy space,  working through each feeling and circumstance as best as you can  without a real clue about what to do next.

Stage 1 becomes the time for letting go…sometimes in utter darkness.  It’s about slowing

the daily grind of doing and focusing your limited energy and strength on the basics of just being. Your grieving process might be painful, but necessary for closure and healing. You’ll wonder about how to get through this raw period and keep going, but you will. Trust that the process will help you find peace for this ending and get you ready for what’s next.

Stage 2: Cocooning – Unplugging/Intuitive Contemplation

The second stage is the time to allow the darkness to soften and envelop you like a fuzzy, warm blanket of comfort and stillness. Compared to the utter chaos and shock of Stage 1, this stage brings welcome relief.

Deep in your stressed out psyche and aching bones, you’ll feel the need to weave a protective cocoon around yourself, and maybe your loved ones. At Stage 2, you take the time to relax, rest, nourish your body and soul, read, listen to music and B-R-E-A-T-H-E deeply – maybe for the first time.

You’ll likely have a low tolerance for constant noise from what was your normal level of connectivity to family, friends and colleagues at work via your mobile phone and/or landline, your computer, tablet, the Internet and social media. As you seek solace, you’ll just know

it’s time for quiet, for serious unplugging. You’ll curb that need for connecting to the outside world. You’ll find what works for you for subdued balance without feeling totally isolated.

Let silence be your best friend! It’s in this silence that healing begins in earnest, as you retreat inward to take stalk, and hear yourself think through and gain perspective about the myriad of dramatic changes in your life and how you feel about them.

You’ll ease into a state of clarity by probing deeply into your intuition.  You’ll hear your inner voice explore answers to important questions, such as: Who am I now? How do I take care of myself…and my family now? What do I need and want now? What is my true purpose now? What’s best for me and my life? How should I go forward?

During Stage 2, your higher inner self thinks through, seeks and finds resources to answer those questions and begins identifying and reconstructing the remnants of your personal DNA from before into what you’re are about to become. This is when what I call your “butterfly spirit” within takes over. There’s no set time clock, but as you adapt to your “new normal,” you’ll gradually begin to visualize and imagine the “new you” and what your life might look like in this new phase.

You may consider new interests or revitalize those you gave up on years ago. You may think about pampering yourself, lifting your ego with a fresh new look. You may dream about updating or downsizing your living space or moving to a new locale. You might think about a new direction for your career. Take notes, because all of this is a reflection of what’s percolating inside you about your reinvention and all of the new possibilities.

Stage 3: Butterfly Soup – Reformation / Redefinition

This exciting third stage is when your amorphous new construct in mind for this fresh start in  life really begins to take shape. Slowly, you start building a new foundation of confidence. You may also need to define new limits – both emotional and physical – that support your well-being as you move ahead.

You’ll start acting on those dreams and plans that feel right in your heart and gut…and learn as you go.  You’ll get out there to test the waters. Small successes at the beginning help you build courage to take more calculated risks and try new things over time.

You’ll go for that makeover, start dumping or selling the old stuff to make way for the new. You may begin hunting ads for new homes or developments that fit your emerging lifestyle. Maybe you’ll plan that vacation you’ve been dreaming about, apply for new positions or check the local colleges and universities for courses you’ve had in mind for upgrading your skill set. You might try going out on some dates, search online dating sites or join singles groups compatible with your new single status and interests.

This “butterfly soup” reformation and implementation stage is complex and full of challenges. It doesn’t usually solidify without its share of disappointments, setbacks, unexpected problems…or sometimes even failure. Rest assured these are only temporary, albeit frustrating, glitches and reality checks providing valuable lessons along the course.

Don’t be surprised if you’ll have to step back into Stage 2 or have some of the feelings and fears of Stage 1 as you regroup. Depending on the intensity and extent of your trauma and loss, this four-steps-forward, two-steps-back “dance” might happen for a while. It’s often happened to me in my process, but each time, I got through it, then kept moving forward.

Whatever happens, never give up! Take each setback in stride, learn from it, stay strong and tenacious, and ultimately you’ll realize you’re dreams or even build a better path toward  fulfillment.

Stage 4: Butterfly Wings – Transformation / Celebration 

This amazing stage in your journey is about celebrating the empowering realization that you’ve pulled through this dramatic process, you’re now fully reformed and antsy to fly!

When you get there, you’ll need to take some time to savor the moments and bathe yourself in that warm sunshine of success – you deserve it!  You’ll enjoy your new self and the elements in you life you’ve changed for the better.  You’ll recognize the fullness and peace of where you are and what next strategies and steps, if any, should be taken to help you fine-tune and realize the full potential of your new life situation.

You’ll try to make this stage in your life more about pleasure and peace and act to keep stress to a minimum. You’ll be ready to re-engage fully in a healthy, productive, social and rewarding lifestyle in whatever ways now make sense.

One of the most important lessons I’ve learned during my process is that you never really know what will happen next. One thing you can always count on is change. So enjoy this special time for as long as it lasts!

You’ll feel more secure, knowing you can better handle whatever changes come your way because you’ll know what to expect when radical life changes happen and understand the PATH through human metamorphosis.

My Path2Butterfly Forum is all about helping you navigate through these stages with more focus and clarity, and with strategies and tools to better guide you on your way.

If you haven’t already done so, please sign up to join us at path2butterflyforum.com today by entering your email address to the left on my Home page.  You’ll receive my free gift to you – SIX TIPS FOR COPING WITH RADICAL CHANGE – some practical advice and action steps to get you started on your PATH.

You’ll also receive my regular Path2Butterfly Forum blog posts with more practical wisdom,  tips and resources to optimize your understanding and process through each stage of the human transformational journey. Stay tuned and get ready to fly!